Sunday, October 7, 2018

The Big 4-0

 Hi there.  So, many of you, reading us, have probably read my torment about getting older.  It isn’t quite a fear of growing age, as I told Jason, but a fear that I haven’t accomplished what I wanted by a certain age.  You might have read that I wanted a child by the time I turned 40-well, as of February, or so, that was pretty much impossible.
 I thought I’d have more books in the stores by now.
 Things like that.  Some of the many goals I have for myself can still be done, of course.  Nonetheless, I really had a terrible time with this birthday.  I know this part is totally my fault, but knowing Jason knows my trepidations, somehow I got it in my head that it’d be so awesome if he threw me a surprise party.  After all, I’ve told him I thought the “decade” birthdays were a real cause for jubilation (I love incorporating that word wherever possible).  I mean, nobody celebrates being 26 or 38 or 51 or… Okay, some do.  But 30, 40, 50, 80, yeah.
 Point is, somehow, I got it sooo into my head that I was getting a party.  I’ve mentioned for years how I want to go bowling on my birthday, all these expectations I had for the big 4-0.  (Maybe I thought it’d help me ease into the decade?)  So, night of Oct 5, and the realization just came that I would not be having a party.  I mean, if it was a surprise, I wouldn’t know about it, right.  But I knew no party had been planned.
 Even fully knowing I’d fabricated the scenario, I was devastated.
 No bowling, either.  Lunch out , which we really were gonna do, was temporarily foiled, too…
 I got 2 gorgeous gifts I asked for.  Many, many  friends and family blessed me with good wishes, including my awesome, older brother-we talked on the phone for over an hour J  I got my awesome cake.  And now I’m watching James McAvoy…I mean, X-Men: Apocalypse, so, nice, blessed day.
 I’m gonna eat dinner and close shop.

 Update: While finishing the last sentence last night, a friend came in, holding a bunch of balloons and presents, and had her usual, cheery disposition.  So, I guess I was surprised.  All in all, I just need to breathe, and not expect too much, maybe.  I’m not saying, don’t have expectations, but just take it easy.
 Thank you, guys, for your love and support.  Have a relaxing day.

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