Hi there. So, many of you, reading us, have probably read my torment about getting older. It isn’t quite a fear of growing age, as I told Jason, but a fear that I haven’t accomplished what I wanted by a certain age. You might have read that I wanted a child by the time I turned 40-well, as of February, or so, that was pretty much impossible.
I thought I’d have more books in the stores by now.
Things like that. Some of the many goals I have for myself can still be done, of course. Nonetheless, I really had a terrible time with this birthday. I know this part is totally my fault, but knowing Jason knows my trepidations, somehow I got it in my head that it’d be so awesome if he threw me a surprise party. After all, I’ve told him I thought the “decade” birthdays were a real cause for jubilation (I love incorporating that word wherever possible). I mean, nobody celebrates being 26 or 38 or 51 or… Okay, some do. But 30, 40, 50, 80, yeah.
Point is, somehow, I got it sooo into my head that I was getting a party. I’ve mentioned for years how I want to go bowling on my birthday, all these expectations I had for the big 4-0. (Maybe I thought it’d help me ease into the decade?) So, night of Oct 5, and the realization just came that I would not be having a party. I mean, if it was a surprise, I wouldn’t know about it, right. But I knew no party had been planned.
Even fully knowing I’d fabricated the scenario, I was devastated.
No bowling, either. Lunch out , which we really were gonna do, was temporarily foiled, too…
I got 2 gorgeous gifts I asked for. Many, many friends and family blessed me with good wishes, including my awesome, older brother-we talked on the phone for over an hour J I got my awesome cake. And now I’m watching James McAvoy…I mean, X-Men: Apocalypse, so, nice, blessed day.
I’m gonna eat dinner and close shop.
Update: While finishing the last sentence last night, a friend came in, holding a bunch of balloons and presents, and had her usual, cheery disposition. So, I guess I was surprised. All in all, I just need to breathe, and not expect too much, maybe. I’m not saying, don’t have expectations, but just take it easy.
Thank you, guys, for your love and support. Have a relaxing day.