OC What The **** Are You Doing?

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, images, and sensations (obsessions) and engage in behaviors or mental acts in response to these thoughts or obsessions.  Often the person carries out the behaviors to reduce the impact or get rid of the obsessive thoughts, but this only brings temporary relief.  Not performing the obsessive rituals can cause great anxiety.

Hi all.  Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted.  How are you doing?  You might be wondering why I’m writing about this.  Well, as you might remember, I’ve always been into Psychology.  Also, I have OCD.

A major curse for a crip, right?

Now, everybody who’s anybody thinks from time to time, did I lock the front door before I left?  Or, how many of those deals did I count?  I better recheck.  That is good, and it might be a sign that one is a cautious, caring person.  However, as the definition I pulled from Google suggests, OCD is a deep rooted, serious need for…(whatever somebody excessively does).

I’m going to let you in on a little secret; people with OCD are not crazy.

Why not, Joey?  They wash their hands 30X a day.  They check things 50X when they know they did it right the first time.  The list goes on, I know.

Here’s the set up; I (try to) fix things.  I will sit there for an hour, or two, or maybe more, fixing one thing and freaking out the longer it takes to get Perfect.  Jason came in the room yesterday and asked how it was coming.  BTW, I don’t blame him for not staying the whole time.  Part of me wishes he would, but…

I was so frustrated-about in tears.  And you want to know what I was doing for two hours that got me (temp) hotter than I should have been?  Trying to reposition the gel in my seat cushion and place it exactly straight back on my chair.  This is a thing I do every month or two, or so.  But the glue that holds the Velcro to the cushion is 60% of the problem.

Then, of course, I can’t leave it until it’s Perfect.  I’ll bet you’re thinking, I thought you just said you’re NOT crazy.  I’m sure that’s what Jason thought.

When I gathered myself, I came back into the living room and explained that the problem isn’t exactly the problem.  Yes, the cushion was sinking-I had to fix it.  However, as Psychology says, OCD is something that starts very early-teen years, maybe earlier.  It’s about control.

I couldn’t control my parents’ divorce, I couldn’t control my mom “stealing” my dog.  I can’t control good caregivers quitting and awful ones taking over.  I can’t make Jason drink as much water as I suggest he drink for his health.  I can only do so much to ensure that I have a ride to that party, and I get to stay late like everybody else.  I couldn’t… I can’t… I can’t…

Sometimes, I feel like I can’t do Anything!

Oh, but I can fix my cushion.

Wait, no.  I can’t do that, either.  Wow.  Then, my anxiety comes that says, You can’t even do one perfect thing.  Why not?  What is wrong with you?

So, later, I have to fix it again.  I’ll do it right this time.  Right?  I mean, I know how to do it.

It isn’t usually every day in people.  Sometimes, it is, but most, if not all, people know they’re doing it.  Maybe some just haven’t figured out why.  However, please, just breathe.  And breathe again.  Know you’re loved.  Try to calm down and understand that you’re in control of more than you think.

It can get better.