So, damn, I just wrote in my Epiphany Showman post how that movie showed me how I’m doing what I was always supposed to be doing and that if I just touched one person, I’d done my job. Well, damn, I got that affirmation by way of my girl, Rox. She told me her fave blog so far from me is my crip tat blog when she said, “Jason Rhode your 1st tattoo story and how You came across joey and the shop story I thought it was moving and funny all at the same time lol.”
OMFG, I LOVE YOU, ROX, YOU FUCKING MADE ME CRY!
Seriously, growing up, I had a tolerate/HATE relationship with my cripness to the point of trying to commit suicide with my inhaler for my asthma. God, who the fuck was he? Bastard made me THIS way! What kind of fucking god would damn a person to deal with the shit I dealt with growing up? I only went to church, because my folks made us, more often than not daydreaming for an hour or so. I had no need for religion, praying meant shit, nothing happened. Hell, my best friend died a slow death even! Yes, I’ve always been loud and outgoing, but death’s a bigger bitch than I could ever be.
I always made friends pretty easily. Now, whether it was pity friendship, I don’t know. Kids crave acceptance anyway they can get it. But, I rolled with it for better or worse. When Noe and my brother died, I learned true friendship, because those that I’d run with both times of my life, came back to me to lift me when my heart was coal with grief and hatred. They were the friends that took me out to keep me occupied and out of my own head.
I’ve always thought I had something to give the world that was just me. People always said I was inspirational to them, but the cynic in me always played it down as people just talking nice…lip service, because that’s just what people do when they’re just trying to be nice to the strange crip that won’t go away. I’ve always hated lip service and feeling like a charity case.
I took Psych classes in college. It became part of my double minor with Computers to go with my English major. Anyhoo, Dr. Andrea Zabel would invite me to speech in my classes as well as others after I’d gone through all her courses. My way of doing speeches was, of course, unorthodox…I wouldn’t have it any other way, right? I’d open with a little background, then, open the floor to any and all questions…nothing was off limits. You can’t be a true crip with limits.
After school, I’ve strived to portray myself as the badass crip, but inevitably, my heart shines through whether at work or on the streets. A funny thing Joey and I’ve noticed…well, I’ve known since I’ve lived here since six, is the new officers on MPD…the old timers have seen me walking the streets for years.
But, I digress…again.
With that single little post from Rox, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I’m getting something right. I got my one…and, I bow to you.
Be good to each other, Kids.