Hi there.
So, many of you, reading us, have probably read my torment about getting
older. It isn’t quite a fear of growing
age, as I told Jason, but a fear that I haven’t accomplished what I wanted by a
certain age. You might have read that I
wanted a child by the time I turned 40-well, as of February, or so, that was
pretty much impossible.
I thought I’d have more books in the
stores by now.
Things like that. Some of the many goals I have for myself can
still be done, of course. Nonetheless, I
really had a terrible time with this birthday.
I know this part is totally my fault, but knowing Jason knows my
trepidations, somehow I got it in my head that it’d be so awesome if he threw
me a surprise party. After all, I’ve
told him I thought the “decade” birthdays were a real cause for jubilation (I
love incorporating that word wherever possible). I mean, nobody celebrates being 26 or 38 or 51
or… Okay, some do. But 30, 40, 50, 80,
yeah.
Point is, somehow, I got it sooo into my
head that I was getting a party. I’ve
mentioned for years how I want to go bowling on my birthday, all these
expectations I had for the big 4-0. (Maybe
I thought it’d help me ease into the decade?)
So, night of Oct 5, and the realization just came that I would not be
having a party. I mean, if it was a surprise,
I wouldn’t know about it, right. But I
knew no party had been planned.
Even fully knowing I’d fabricated the scenario,
I was devastated.
No bowling, either. Lunch out , which we really were gonna do, was
temporarily foiled, too…
I got 2 gorgeous gifts I asked for. Many, many friends and family blessed me with good
wishes, including my awesome, older brother-we talked on the phone for over an
hour J I
got my awesome cake. And now I’m watching
James McAvoy…I mean, X-Men: Apocalypse,
so, nice, blessed day.
I’m gonna eat dinner and close shop.
Update: While finishing the last sentence
last night, a friend came in, holding a bunch of balloons and presents, and had
her usual, cheery disposition. So, I guess
I was surprised. All in all, I just need
to breathe, and not expect too much, maybe.
I’m not saying, don’t have
expectations, but just take it easy.
Thank you, guys, for your love and support. Have a relaxing day.
Joey
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